one of those days

Hebrews 3:13

 Encourage one another daily as long as it is today,so that none of you may be hardened by sins deceitfulness.

Well I am sure you know what I am talking about when you read the title of todays blog.  I dont think I am generally one to complain, but just want to make sure we are on the same page.  Want to make sure you really get this.

YOu know when a number of little things happen that just dont seem like that big of a deal -and you can handle it with grace and charm?  Like maybe even over a few days, little things here and there that make you sigh or shed a tear but then you plow through and do the dishes cause that is what you do?  You wake up the next day, and stay strong, read your bible, seek the Lord with all your heart and do the dishes again and your grateful to do them.

 Well sometimes I want to throw the dishes, or anything within reach.

  On days like this I really understand why it is not a good idea to have a woman president.  If your not following that  statement, I say this because i think we as women  feel a lot of feelings and some of us can be reactive.  I would probably bomb something really big if I could.  I would of coarse, feel shame and regret later but that wouldn't do me any good.  Does this make sense to anyone?

A sweet friend was talking to me yesterday about taking captive her thoughts and how she knew this was a powerful thing and very needed but sometimes she has so many thoughts she cant catch a single one.  I thought this was so true for most women.  Mark Gungor talks about the woman's brain being like a internet super highway, buzzing and flowing through and in, all kinds of internet homes.  Well that is what i imagined when my friend was talking about this idea.  Like trying to catch a gnat in a big gnat swarm.

This is me today.  As I was giving in to my reactive feelings and hurting someone I loved in the process, I justified and threw my self a sweet thirty minuet pity party with balloons and streamers.  I then took one thought captive and remembered I needed to mail my sisters gift.  So i yelled out that i was leaving the house to the person i was reactive to before, without apology and stormed out the door.  Back to the party.

During the party in my head I decided to delete my blog, Quit neah, leave town, cry, be bugged about other peoples choices, feel hopeless, and quit trying to share my faith, oh and I decided am a idiot.  Ya not the best party.
The funny thing is I knew that the party had to end.

 As I slowly was able  to get the focus off me, I  remembered that all that stuff that was buggin me was  not as important as i really wanted it to be.  Then alarmingly and suddenly, all these truths that were stored up in me, started to come to mind.  Thoughts like God is the creator of all things, He is love and calls us to love others, dont give up on doing good, he guides us and directs us, love your enemies, trust in the Lord with all your heart.  All these verses and so many more started filling up an very empty tank in me.

 I started letting myself think about God and his truths and wow, my whole attitude changed immediately.  I could feel my heart warm and my body relax.  I saw the wall of selfishness crumble and a sky of love emerge.   I dont know exactly how I got so empty today.  If I am real honest I could guess a few things.  I have been real busy lately, lots of little things happening that are out of my control. The holidays seem to put unwanted pressures on us, I gave my testimony yesterday and that is always a little tough, but the one thing that I really think that allowed me to be so empty is I havent read Gods word in three days.  I have let life and stuff make me think there were more important things this week then to meditate on then on the truth of God.  I dont know if this makes any sense to anyone or even if anyone is reading this but for me I know if I dont have his truth and love stored up in me, if i let the world fill my thoughts and fuel my day I am empty.  I become shallow Tal.

I live in a country that I have the great privilege of being able to worship freely and read daily the word of God.  I must not take that for granted.  It is the most important thing.  It is eternal

2 Cor 4:18
So we fix our eyes on not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal